Codependency is the chronic neglect of self in order to gain approval, love, validation, or self identity through another person.
Self Hatred+ Self Betrayal.
We learn codependency patterns through our family dynamics where there was enmeshment.
Enmeshment is a term to describe a relationships where there is lack boundaries + the emotions of one family member is felt by all family members in repeated cycles.
The result is:
1. The belief that we are responsible for the emotions of others
2. A lack of an authentic self (self only exists through the responses of another person)
3. Chronic fear of how people will respond to you (often labeled as "social anxiety disorder")
Signs of Codependency:
1. Low self worth/self image
2. People-pleasing (inability to say "no")
3. Lack of boundaries
4. Child-like fantasies that someone can save or fix you from your life
5. Chronic care taking as distraction (patterns of putting everyone before self)
6. Emotional addiction (addicted relationships where there is a roller coaster cycle of repeated emotional experiences)
7. Inability to understand/clearly communicate your thoughts, feelings + emotions
8. Chronic fear of upsetting someone (the feeling of "walking on eggshells" around people)
9. High emotional reactivity to life situations
10. Controlling the behaviors of others to "feel ok"
11. Obsessive thinking about what other people think of you
Having codependency patterns is nothing to be ashamed of
Most of us were raised in homes where family members focused on someone else (even if that person engaged in toxic behavior) in order to get their emotional needs met
We learned + repeated this pattern.
To Heal from Codependency we must learn how to:
1. Set boundaries with self + others
2. Spend time alone
3. Spend time doing something just for us (creating, dancing, exploring)
4. Spend time in inner reflection (journaling, meditating, breathing)
5. Learn what our needs are (asking our inner child what we need then practice meeting those needs).
The most important relationship we have is the relationship with ourselves. It shapes every other relationships we have.
Our path of healing is to relearn + reconnect with ourselves before we were conditioned to believe others created our sense of self.
After reconnecting with self we can begin to build healthy, authentic relationships with others + heal our codependency through interdependent relationships.
Interdependent Relationships Look Like:
1. A safe, secure attachment between two people to be vulnerable.
2. Ability to freely express, communicate, + exist without criticism or judgement.
3. Clear boundaries that are flexible.
4. Ability to see + hear another + ability to be seen + heard with another.
5. Able to hold space for the other person's emotions while also processing your own.
6. Ability to understand reality is a subjective experience.
7. Time for alone time as well as personal interests.
8. Genuine mutual appreciation + admiration.
9. Relationship provides a space for mutual evolution.
Warm Regards;
Prince Alagba Tochukwu.
Radiographer
Egalitarian
The Believer of Ubuntu Philosophy.
We learn codependency patterns through our family dynamics where there was enmeshment.
Enmeshment is a term to describe a relationships where there is lack boundaries + the emotions of one family member is felt by all family members in repeated cycles.
The result is:
1. The belief that we are responsible for the emotions of others
2. A lack of an authentic self (self only exists through the responses of another person)
3. Chronic fear of how people will respond to you (often labeled as "social anxiety disorder")
Signs of Codependency:
1. Low self worth/self image
2. People-pleasing (inability to say "no")
3. Lack of boundaries
4. Child-like fantasies that someone can save or fix you from your life
5. Chronic care taking as distraction (patterns of putting everyone before self)
6. Emotional addiction (addicted relationships where there is a roller coaster cycle of repeated emotional experiences)
7. Inability to understand/clearly communicate your thoughts, feelings + emotions
8. Chronic fear of upsetting someone (the feeling of "walking on eggshells" around people)
9. High emotional reactivity to life situations
10. Controlling the behaviors of others to "feel ok"
11. Obsessive thinking about what other people think of you
Having codependency patterns is nothing to be ashamed of
Most of us were raised in homes where family members focused on someone else (even if that person engaged in toxic behavior) in order to get their emotional needs met
We learned + repeated this pattern.
To Heal from Codependency we must learn how to:
1. Set boundaries with self + others
2. Spend time alone
3. Spend time doing something just for us (creating, dancing, exploring)
4. Spend time in inner reflection (journaling, meditating, breathing)
5. Learn what our needs are (asking our inner child what we need then practice meeting those needs).
The most important relationship we have is the relationship with ourselves. It shapes every other relationships we have.
Our path of healing is to relearn + reconnect with ourselves before we were conditioned to believe others created our sense of self.
After reconnecting with self we can begin to build healthy, authentic relationships with others + heal our codependency through interdependent relationships.
Interdependent Relationships Look Like:
1. A safe, secure attachment between two people to be vulnerable.
2. Ability to freely express, communicate, + exist without criticism or judgement.
3. Clear boundaries that are flexible.
4. Ability to see + hear another + ability to be seen + heard with another.
5. Able to hold space for the other person's emotions while also processing your own.
6. Ability to understand reality is a subjective experience.
7. Time for alone time as well as personal interests.
8. Genuine mutual appreciation + admiration.
9. Relationship provides a space for mutual evolution.
Warm Regards;
Prince Alagba Tochukwu.
Radiographer
Egalitarian
The Believer of Ubuntu Philosophy.
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