DESPERATION IS AN ENEMY OF MAN. YOU'RE THE ONE TO CHANGE YOURSELF.

 

SORRY, THIS IS VERY LENGTHY BUT TRUST ME YOU WILL ENJOY READING IT.
By Prince Rad. Tochukwu Alagba.

I may not be normal like you, please don't just judge me. We are not the same and we have different purposes and understanding. I realized in 2015 that I breath differently and my actions do not align with d popular known actions in our society. I began to Battle with myself because of this weird feelings and thought. I didn't know whether to call it civilization, liberality or stupidity. All i knew was that i am not normal and i don't share the general philosophy of life. Fast-ward to 2017-2018 I fought the biggest battle of my life that nearly consumed me which was DESPERATION. I noticed that my desperation to lift myself from one point to another was too much, and my desperation to understand why people derive joy from doing certain things which I see as a normal phenomenon or natural thing was getting more intensified. I have different views about things and I thought I might have gone astray unknown to me that human is not the same.  I was dying silently and there was nobody to hold. I prayed against desperation and I walked around to push the spirit away from me but it still gets more tensed. I noticed that my liberal part was disappearing as I was trying to do only things that generate positive vibes and ripples in my surroundings. I fought this alone without getting a family and friends involved. I was scared to share with anyone. i doubt myself and I thought nobody will understand me. I am a man who loves songs but can never sing ....maybe I'm not normal. I listened to music to get rid of the feelings of not being like others or carrying everyone on my shoulder along. I never know that I was allowing the society to reshape me to what I hated so much.  One day I said to myself enough is enough I must not be loved by all or wanted by all and I must not carry unnecessary loads upon myself as I move on in life. I said to myself never never shall I allow things to influence me. I am normal even though I don't like laughing and smiling. I am normal even when I don't share similar opinion with others. I love literature even though I did science. I love reading and writing. I hate negative people around me. I have given myself power to conquer bitterness, wickedness, envy and jealousness. I'm always happy to celebrate good things that happened to people I know and those I don't know. I don't bad mouth people. What I can't say in your front cannot come out from me when you're not there. I celebrate people and positivity. I'm just free and open with/to people. In 2017 when I got my professional license to move to another stage of life which was internship I said to myself that the spirit tormenting must go away for me to think clearly. I can talk for Africa but when am pissed I can change my mood unannounced. Desperation was full of negatives. I fought it because desperation created a version of my life that I so much hate. It created much fears in my life, self doubt, self hatred, it created negative thoughts and mixed feelings and emotions. Naturally I don't laugh easily unless you're very close to me or share a similar ideology with me. I have good relationship with my patients. I don't know how I developed that kind relationship with my patients but I thank God for that. Desperation to get acquainted with the flow of life in Nigeria, character of people, to be independent without getting Favour/support from family created more fears  in me. The battle was real and my fears was controlling me and my thoughts. I got demoralized. I came across one book in 2017-2018 that changed my thoughts, feelings and actions. The book is THE SECRET BY RHONDA BYRNE, it's really a self help/made book. After reading this book I realized that I was fighting to be me. For years I have been trying to be others and do what make them cool by going against my principles. I was eating and dressing well but its not enough. I needed to understand myself more than people understand me. I fought alone because of fears. I was fighting against the odds of life. I was fighting to be independent. I was fighting against things that could destroy me or make me in the near future. I tried to follow the principles of THE SECRET and it paved way for me. I realized my best version. I started developing myself from 2018 to 2020 and I assure you that those who knew me in 2018 cannot believe who i am today. I have created my life to suit my pathway. 2021 will be more, just wait.
I still think that I'm not normal in their eyes but my happiness is that I'm me now. I killed desperation and the fear associated with it died a natural dead. I'm writing this to tell you that nothing is easy. I have men of God that I follow and those that constantly praying for me. I have a man of God that takes me like his son and a wonderful Reverend Sister whom acts as a counselor and consoler. I only tell them to pray for me but never shared to them my battles. They mould me spiritually strong and they taught me to believe in me and myself. People may not believe that I'm an emotional being only the Reverend Sister knew that. I act strongly but very weak emotionally.

Back, the secret helped me to conquer desperation and its agents. Yes I was trying to be me, me alone I said. I entered into covenant with my God for total liberation but I was still working on my mind. I noticed my biggest challenge that initiated the spirit of desperation and it was MY VIEW ABOUT THINGS. YES OOO I WAS TRYING TO BE NATURALLY ME. Pls, Don't try to twist all you have read so far. I'm a man who believed and I still believe that wealth could be created genuinely and legally without soiling the hands. I was not just desperate to become overnight millionaire, NO NO, I was desperate to establish my real me, my real self and version. I have gotta knowledge about things and my God gave me wisdom too join.....yes He gave me wisdom which I admire so much. Wisdom will direct you well...crave for it and thank me later.
I started talking to myself until I began to change. I know i have issues with certain practices but let me pinpoint few things that will make you to understand why I was almost depressed and demoralized in all angles. Example; I don't like overcrowded party.......I thought I was abnormal. I forced myself to party twice and I noticed that it doesn't flow well. Be it night and afternoon or morning party....E no easy for me...I am a mean type though my social life is changing radically....i Nearly got depressed when I was trying to love myself and be me. I have nobody to talk to and nobody was ready to help me out....The Secret Saved a Soul.... When I tried to share the story...I appeared to be silly, immature and fuckily uncultured. I did the magic alone with the knowledge of THE SECRET and my God delivered me from such dangerous thoughts and feelings. I was thinking that because I see things differently made me a lesser being/person. I don't like partying at all and so what?....that's me questioning myself then.  And today I still wonder what push people to enjoy partying though I respect them for who they're. I have cool friends that can attend any functions in life and I will always be ready to get the gist.😂😂. Partying is not part of me and I hope that is respected too.
There are a lot of cultural practices too that I have questioned which i cant practice not because am abnormal or civilized but because I don't see the needs to stress myself over such things. My family can practice anything they like but I am me and not them. I stopped getting along with it when I displease myself to please the society...am I rude? Sorry? I want to respect my nature and me... I don't equally like overcrowded wedding ceremony....initially I was thinking I'm not normal....well some persons will still see it that way even now. If you allow me My wedding will not last more than 1hour..did you get that well...one hour wedding is okay...and I don't like wedding that comes with physical gifts too....oh my wife to be sorry...I can bend for you to be happy..don't worry we are one and will forever remain connected.... If my wife will be cool with it 20 persons are enough to be at our wedding. It doesn't mean that I hate wedding or doesn't wanna spend money in my wedding No No, don't get it twisted okay  I don't just like wedding that's too loud. My nature doesn't like it. I can applaud those that want it big for themselves but I preferred a small wedding ceremony. I fought this feelings in 2017-2018 because I was thinking about my life and I thought that i was abnormally made. I did realize that my ideology differs but we are all the same. I discovered that we were differently made!! The difference defines us and our similarities bond us together and that's the most beautiful part of life. I have won this bittered spirit of desperation that drives one like leprosy. I have now established myself not caring about what people will talk or do. I only try not to upset my God. I try not to allow my actions affect my neighbors. If you know me you will enjoy my company. I'm fun to be, kindhearted and peaceful but very open minded. I hate pretending. My life is changing for good after total self restoration. Remember not to step on my feet because I can't be slave even if I'm serving you. The madness in me is real and I can be very blunt. Respect comes with respect too.

Desperation can cause Depression.
Desperation is our enemy. It distorts peace of mind, self love and progress. It kills like HIV.
Be strong and follow yourself and stop copying lifestyle. No motivational speaker will be there with you to help you out. Get a mentor and follow your own formula.
The only way to conquer desperation is by recognizing and identifying yourself. Identify things you love doing and things you hate doing. Identify your flaws and continue to fight against them. Everyone you see outside there has internal battle that is bleeding them. Forget about social media and create your real life and follow it. I thank God for everything I have gotten so far!! When I look back I say to my God I'm truly grateful. I am normal the way you created me and I respect that.
#Desperation
#Depression
#EnemyOfLife
#SuccessIsSure
#Ubuntu

Ubuntu Family
Anti Drug Abuse Campaigner
Prince Rad Tochukwu.